My ghosting story.

So I got ghosted. Twice. By the same woman.

I’m a little bitter about this. But I learned from it. And it won’t happen again.

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A tired soul in a tired world.

I’m tired. Tired of a lot of the noise, garbage, and bullshit in this world. I need a change. I need new friends, a new job, and a much higher alcohol tolerance. Owning a bar would be nice as well.

I just don’t have it in the gas tank anymore. I exist and continue existing out of sheer inertia. I think I need a fresh start and perspective, but that’s not forthcoming.

Think I’ll hit the Burger King by my house later, grab a cup of coffee, and do some writing.

Say it if it’s worth saving me.

I hit karaoke last night. A friend’s son was celebrating his 21st birthday, and she decided his first official bar outing should be with the semi-professional drunks she knows and loves. It’s a good choice, as it gets him to learn his limits and tolerances with people he knows are safe to be around. Parenting done right, to be honest.

As is wont to occur at karaoke, the love songs popped up at the end of the night. And as I listened to them, as I enjoyed the sound and the lyrics and the people signing along (myself included), I came to a realization:

It’ll never be me singing those songs to my girlfriend, or fiancĂ©e, or wife.

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and thinking you’ll get a different result. They’re right. 20 some odd years of dating, of searching for She Who Is Right For Me, and I’ve barely come close. So what’s the purpose of continuing to do the same thing only to get the same shitty result? What is it about dating and romance that supposedly makes it different?

It’s because humanity is so desperate to be with someone to avert loneliness that they’ll willingly drive themselves nuts with this in the hope of eventually breaking the pattern of heartache and loss. And all they’re doing is setting themselves up for more of the same, just in the future in smaller doses. If you look at that from a strictly logical point of view, it’s completely ridiculous.

And after what went down with Ms. No-Show, I have no faith in it. At all. There’s no point in investing time and energy into a zero sum game when I have far more important things to handle.

And you know what? I’ll be happy to restart dating…..once She Who Is Right For Me gets off her ass, finds me, and convinces me why I should give her a chance. I’m not going to put in the effort to impress her. SHE can impress ME. After all, I keep hearing all this yapping about feminism wanting equality, yet it does not seem to extend to dating. Well, let’s see that change. Let’s see women ask men out on dates and do all the things guys do for women to impress them. Let’s see the script get flipped.

But it won’t.

Getting older. God, it sucks.

So, my birthday is next Thursday.

If you can’t tell, there is a distinct lack of excitement in that statement. Why? Because 1-it’s a Thursday and 2-I have no plans for it other than a Geist game on Friday.

I’d love to do something that weekend. Something, anything. Hell, I’d be fine with dinner at fucking Burger King. It’s not about where to go or what to do. It’s about being with people, sharing time together, having a laugh at someone else’s expense. You know, the good stuff.

Riiiiiight. Like that’ll happen.

Much as my luck would have it, my birthday falls the same weekend as Mother’s Day. And as past experience has shown, the simple plan of dinner either Friday or Saturday night gets shot down under the abyssal din of, “But it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday! I gotta plan that.”

So the extravagant plans you have- which, in 90% of cases, is taking her out for dinner, or ordering in, or actually just sitting at home- somehow prevents you from doing ANYTHING at all the entire weekend? Wow. I gotta say, that’s some effort you’re putting in. Tell me, does it involve catering a 6 course meal? Setting up a concert? Doing something similar that requires monumental effort? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

So if one of you that knows me reads this and wants to do something for me, cool. If not, I’ll just chalk this birthday up as another disappointment.