Pepperidge Farm remembers!

As you may tell from some of my other blogs, I have the ability to rant. And rant. And rant. I consider it something of a superpower, a gift, and a curse all rolled into one. I try to use it wisely, but I have moments….okay, days….okay, weeks…where it’s used for anything and everything that irritates me.

Enter my exposure to the “Pepperidge Farm Remembers” meme. It cracked me up. And since I’m in a foul mood, it’s time for a rant, Oppa Pepperidge Style.

Do you remember:
When people used to be polite to each other?
When people didn’t have their head rammed so far up their phone’s ass they avoided getting run over by cars?
When we held politicians to a higher moral standard than celebrities?
When politicians actually did their fucking job and represented the interests of the people?
When the MTA actually ran a fucking train on time?
When the MTA did actual repair work on time and under budget?
When your job paid you what you’re REALLY worth?
When people used phones to……GASP…make actual phone calls?
When AOL was all the rage?
When ISPs didn’t throttle your service to get more money out of you?
When Nazis were people you stomped out on sight?
When charter schools were seen as the utter shit they are?
When we had a president that wasn’t a complete fucking retard that needs to be thrown out of office now?
When Congress didn’t spend millions on a bullshit investigation into embassy attacks to cover up the fact they voted to cut the embassy budget 2 years in a row, hence being directly responsible for the entire mess?
When Cabinet appointees were actually…shudder…qualified for the positions they were nominated for?
When it dawned on people that saving the environment was important?
When people didn’t take opioids like they’re going out of style?
When owning a gun meant you were a responsible gun owner and not some random asshole who got it at a gun show because he or she could?
When “No” actually meant “No” and not some imaginary bullshit that meant the opposite?
When a high school diploma got you a job that could support a family and buy a house?
When people realized the danger of credit cards and didn’t use them as much?
When singers actually wrote their own songs with real, understandable lyrics?
When music wasn’t all just pop garbage spewed out to make money?
When being part of a family owned company meant you felt like a part of their family, and vice versa?
When the government at least made the fa├žade of an attempt to respect the rights of Native Americans and the land they were forced onto?
When banks helped you save money for the future and not hit you with fees for every fucking thing?

Pepperidge Farm remembers.

I can keep going, but I think you get the picture.

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A gripe about the world of clothing….

The old saying goes, “Clothes make the man.” Clothes don’t make the man, really, but being properly dressed can affect how people see you. It’s up to you to work on that via personality, conversation, etc. You know, all the stuff we increasingly don’t do because online conversation is now more common than face to face.

But I digress.

I think every guy has at least one suit in his closet. It’s just a necessity for us. Plus, when it’s properly maintained and we’re groomed, we look damn good in it. For a proper example of this, see Elijah Mikaelson from “The Originals.”

While we can buy suits off the rack and wear them, men prefer to get them tailored so they fit and look better. It makes sense. Suits are a monetary investment and we want to get the most out of them. Spending a little more cash to make sure it fits properly is a wise move.

With that in mind, I went to 2 locations not too far from my place to get suits. As I was there, I also inquired whether they make alterations. Both places said they do not.

What. The. FUCK?!?

How do you not make alterations? You sell suits, for fuck’s sake! No guy I know just wears them off the rack. It’s taboo among us to do that. Why would you not offer this basic service that will not only make your customers look good, but will also make you money and get you repeat business? Are you stupid or just blind? Or both?

I’m not going to buy a suit from you if you don’t do alterations. I can wait for you to do them. Whether it’s a day or a week, I’m fine with that. I can roll out of bed and be at your store, so that’s not an issue. But you lose business if you don’t do them, and I won’t spend my money at your store. I can go elsewhere, buy the suit and have them do the alterations.

I urge all men’s clothing stores, especially the ones that sell suits, to have a tailor on the payroll. Well-dressed customers become repeat customers. Don’t screw yourself out of money because you’re too cheap to have a tailor on-site.