You are the reason people don’t date.

So, remember the chick I ranted about in my last post? I decided, out of the surprising amount of kindness somehow left in this withered black hole of a heart I have, to give her a chance to meet up with me. She swore she was 100 (yes, she used that fucking stupid emoji) going to meet me. We scheduled for yesterday at 6 to meet up.

I get off the train at 5:45. Given walking times in Manhattan, modified by foot traffic during rush hour and my walking speed, I was going to make it at around 6 on the dot, possibly a minute late. So I was all good for this. Or so I thought.

As is habit, I took out my phone and saw a text from her. At 5:36, while I was still on the train, she said she was running late and was going to meet me at 6:45.

What. The. Fuck. You swear we’re going to meet up, that you’re 100 sure you won’t have any problems, and you’re already telling me you’re gonna be late?

::Insert string of expletives and rage::

So I tell her where I’ll be. 6:45 comes around, she’s not there. I text her to find out where she is. No response. I exercise god-tier patience and wait until 7:30. No response, no nothing. I call her and it goes to voicemail.

::Insert string of expletives and rage::

I leave her a message kindly telling her to fuck off. Then I text her this:

“Check your voicemail when you get a chance. Goodbye.”

Haven’t heard from her since. Probably won’t. I went home, got pizza and called it a night.

As angry as I am over this (which is a reason why I’m doing this today, rather than last night), what is even worse is that she expressed interest in me and then pulled this shit. I didn’t approach her, I didn’t ask for her number. Hell, I had zero intentions that night of even trying to talk to any women. She gave her number to me, unsolicited, and then this shit gets pulled. People like her are why the rest of us despise dating. Men and women who do this are the problem in the dating scene.

I’m done. I’m done dating, done looking, done giving a fuck. The next woman that wants to go out with me had better be nothing short of immaculate when it comes to scheduling and showing up, because it’s one strike and she’s done.

Dating is bullshit. Don’t fall into the trap.

Fuck off my phone, asshole.

People simply amaze me with the balls they have.

I’m at my local pizzeria waiting for a small pie to go. I like pizza. A lot. But no, I wasn’t eating it all myself. Hakuna your tatas on that. I have reasonable amounts of eating ability, not pig out on the constant ability.

So I’m on my phone texting with a friend when a guy who was sitting in the pizzeria walks up to me. Now mind you, I’ve got my headphones on listening to my MP 3 player while texting, so it would even be clear to Stevie Wonder I don’t want to be bothered.

“Sorry to bother you,” he starts.

Pause.

No, dude, you are not sorry to bother me. If you were sorry to bother me, your ass wouldn’t have bothered me in the first place. So please, stop lying.

“Can I use your phone to make a phone call?”

Pause.

Motherfucker, I don’t know you from a hole in the wall. I have no idea who you’re calling, or even if you’re going to make a call. For all I know, you’re going to take my phone and make a run for it. Fuuuuuuuuck that shit. You think I’m stupid? You’re not touching my phone. Go ask the pizzeria. They got a landline. But I’ll be god DAMNED if you’re touching my phone.

“Sorry, my phone’s on minutes,” I replied, to which he moved on to the 3 high school girls waiting on their food. They shot him down too.

Some people got some fucking nerve, I tell you. This is Brooklyn, pal. That ain’t happening. Make sure you got a phone on you at all times. They ain’t hard to get. Shit, there’s 5 places within rolling out of bed distance from my place that you can get a phone on the spot.

This is why you always gotta be on watch. Retards are around every corner trying to prove how slick they are by robbing you of your things. Stay aware, people. Don’t let them win.

Starbucks is a unicorn!

All these people all butthurt over the unicorn drink from Starbucks. “It’s unhealthy! It takes forever to make! Blah blah blah!”

First, it’s Starbucks. Those complaining about the damn drink are the same people that bitched about their holiday cups and just about everything else about them. Shut the fuck up, all of you.

Second, fuck the sugar count. All reports I’ve read about it are the same: IT TASTES LIKE HOT SHIT. If your need for overpriced coffee is that strong, they got an entire menu of the stuff that actually tastes decent.

Meanwhile, I’ll hit up the bagel store by my house and get more coffee for less money. Hell, I’ll hit up McDonald’s for the same amount of coffee from my bagel store for $1.09. Or I’ll just make an ENTIRE POT at home and enjoy that.