Fuck off my phone, asshole.

People simply amaze me with the balls they have.

I’m at my local pizzeria waiting for a small pie to go. I like pizza. A lot. But no, I wasn’t eating it all myself. Hakuna your tatas on that. I have reasonable amounts of eating ability, not pig out on the constant ability.

So I’m on my phone texting with a friend when a guy who was sitting in the pizzeria walks up to me. Now mind you, I’ve got my headphones on listening to my MP 3 player while texting, so it would even be clear to Stevie Wonder I don’t want to be bothered.

“Sorry to bother you,” he starts.

Pause.

No, dude, you are not sorry to bother me. If you were sorry to bother me, your ass wouldn’t have bothered me in the first place. So please, stop lying.

“Can I use your phone to make a phone call?”

Pause.

Motherfucker, I don’t know you from a hole in the wall. I have no idea who you’re calling, or even if you’re going to make a call. For all I know, you’re going to take my phone and make a run for it. Fuuuuuuuuck that shit. You think I’m stupid? You’re not touching my phone. Go ask the pizzeria. They got a landline. But I’ll be god DAMNED if you’re touching my phone.

“Sorry, my phone’s on minutes,” I replied, to which he moved on to the 3 high school girls waiting on their food. They shot him down too.

Some people got some fucking nerve, I tell you. This is Brooklyn, pal. That ain’t happening. Make sure you got a phone on you at all times. They ain’t hard to get. Shit, there’s 5 places within rolling out of bed distance from my place that you can get a phone on the spot.

This is why you always gotta be on watch. Retards are around every corner trying to prove how slick they are by robbing you of your things. Stay aware, people. Don’t let them win.

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