The heart vs. the real world.

There comes a time when you have a decision to make about matters of the heart. You know you have to make it, you know you can’t put it off, but the possible consequences are potentially devastating. And you don’t want to deal with those consequences. But remaining silent will do nothing more than agitate you.
So you fret and fuss and overthink the shit out of it, wondering what to do. It plays on your mind, driving you even battier than you already are. But finally, you make the decision to speak to the other person, to tell them how you feel, consequences be damned. You have to be honest and true to yourself, even if that means nothing good will come of it.

And then, the decision is made for you. And as much as you’re relieved you don’t have to make it, it bothers you that the choice was taken away from you. It’s your call to make about how you communicate. You’re not upset with the other person; in a way, they’ve made it a lot easier for you to accept the situation and make peace with it. But you still wonder from time to time, what could have been, one way or the other.

It’s a familiar story, one whose refrain I’ve heard a lot over the years. But it’s very, very different when you’re the one making the decision. Very different indeed….

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I have a decision to make.

Something has been weighing on my mind for a little while now. I’m not going to get into details here, but I will be discussing it with certain people I know when I feel up for it. Rest assured, it’s nothing bad or negative. It’s something that I’m thinking about and need other opinions about.

Understand that there are things I do not open up about. That I even write some of the stuff that I have here is little short of miraculous. My YouTube channel is very non-personal for the most part, and I intend on keeping it that way. I have fun with it, and that’s where it’ll stay.

So yeah, that’s it. I’ll try to blog here when I have the time and energy to do so.

A tired soul in a tired world.

I’m tired. Tired of a lot of the noise, garbage, and bullshit in this world. I need a change. I need new friends, a new job, and a much higher alcohol tolerance. Owning a bar would be nice as well.

I just don’t have it in the gas tank anymore. I exist and continue existing out of sheer inertia. I think I need a fresh start and perspective, but that’s not forthcoming.

Think I’ll hit the Burger King by my house later, grab a cup of coffee, and do some writing.

On Chester Bennington, music, and why this hurts so much.

I tried to make a YouTube video about this yesterday, but the volume on my cellphone (yes, that’s what I use) was giving me fits. Plus, as it turned out, I nearly went nuclear on this one colossal deformed orangutan of a “person” for popping off at the mouth, so I decided to wait until today to post this. Besides, my blog gets more views than my YouTube channel, so this will (hopefully) get to a wider audience.

The suicide of Chester Bennington has rocked the music world, this coming 2 months after, and on the birthday of, the death of Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell. Bennington and Cornell were close friends, and Cornell’s death hit Bennington hard. For whatever his reason was (I’m not going to speculate), Bennington took his own life.

It’s a loss that further shows how very real, and tragic, depression and other mental illnesses are. Bennington was a gifted singer, with a range I can’t ever hope to come close to in all my karaoke attempts, and he had a lot of people who cared and loved him.

But more than that, the songs created by Linkin Park touched many people, especially those with pasts rooted in sadness. Bennington himself was sexually abused when he was younger, and the pain from that time reflects in a lot of their songs. That pain, genuine, pure, connected with many listeners (myself included) and led them to success in the music industry.

I’m not going to speculate why he did this. That’s pointless. What we need to do is recognize that mental illness is real, and that it KILLS. Part of that is people being afraid to reach out and get the help they need. That’s not acceptable in our society. No one should be afraid or embarrassed to get the help they need. It’s an indictment on our society, on us as humans, that we allow this to be the case. It has to end.

If you’re not well, if you need help, reach out to those closest to you. Talk to them. Tell them you need help. And for the rest of us, reach out to those you think are going through something. Sometimes, you have to extend your hand to get the ball rolling.

For those of you who need some further resources, here’s a partial list:

Suicide Prevention 800-273-8255
National Hopeline 800-784-2433
LGBT Hotline 800-843-4565
Runaway Safeline 800-786-2929

I’ve talked people down from the edge. I’ve pulled knives away from the arms of my friends. I’ve been half awake and talking to my friends to help them. You can help, and get those you care about the help they need. Don’t hesitate.

I live! And some random thoughts for you.

I’m baaaaaaaaaaaack. Did you miss me? Probably not. But it’s cool. I’ll let that slide. 🙂

So a few things on my mind on this hot as fuck July day here in NYC. The humidity is what’s really doing people in. Ugh, just ugh. Well, let’s get to the fun stuff.

I saw Spider-Man: Homecoming. Good movie. Tom Holland does a good job as young Peter. Michael Keaton was AWESOME as Vulture (even thought he was never called that). Bokeem Woodbine has always been a steadily good actor, and his role as Keaton’s second in command confirms this. Someone get him a feature part, or at least a co-star role in something with a budget.

And why was everyone bitching about Zendaya as MJ? I think she did a great job having been given a way too over the top emo character. Seriously, they really needed to tone that shit down. Less emo, more real emotion and she was set. And was Ned supposed to be Ned Leeds? Perhaps there’s a hint of a Hobgoblin appearance in a future movie. I’m down for that.

AND THAT CONEY ISLAND SCENE. YES! YES! YES!

Also watched the Power Rangers reboot movie. I normally don’t watch those things, since I hate reboots (Hollywood, gimme original material, FFS!), but it wasn’t too bad overall. But they did a huge disservice to Zordon by making him such a dick. -50 points for that. And the Rangers armor looked like bootleg Iron Man armor. Ug-ly.

The new Doctor has been announced, and it’s a woman. I lost track of Doctor Who before Season 11 really started, so I have no personal opinion on her casting. Let her talent determine her reception. But there are the fuckwits who are losing their tiny minds over the fact the new Doctor regenerated into a woman.

Really? Fucking REALLY? Here’s a show about time travel, aliens, vampires, semi-sentient phone booths, genocidal robots, statues that will kill you if you’re not looking at them, and a woman in love with a female fucking reptilian, and THIS is what you’re pissed about? Fuck outta here with that shit.

And there’s the other side, who think this doesn’t go far enough to give women a bigger role in tv. Yo, the Doctor’s archenemy is now a woman, the most recent companion was a black lesbian, and now we have a female Doctor. The fuck else do you want? Change takes time, and the show is already ahead of the curve. Hakuna your tatas and enjoy what’s being done. And yes, I’m looking at you, Anita Sarkeesian.

I’m also officially not buying Diablo 3 for PC anytime soon. Fuck you, Blizzard, for releasing untested, unfinished content for money and immediately having to patch it because you mental midgets don’t know how to playtest your shit. Learn how to debug your product, you blithering idiots.

I’ve kept up my writing, though now it’s being spread across 7 different stories at the moment. Yes, I can’t focus on any one of them, but I am writing, so that’s the more important part.

And my ability to focus on this is at an end, so I’ll catch y’all later.

A gripe about the world of clothing….

The old saying goes, “Clothes make the man.” Clothes don’t make the man, really, but being properly dressed can affect how people see you. It’s up to you to work on that via personality, conversation, etc. You know, all the stuff we increasingly don’t do because online conversation is now more common than face to face.

But I digress.

I think every guy has at least one suit in his closet. It’s just a necessity for us. Plus, when it’s properly maintained and we’re groomed, we look damn good in it. For a proper example of this, see Elijah Mikaelson from “The Originals.”

While we can buy suits off the rack and wear them, men prefer to get them tailored so they fit and look better. It makes sense. Suits are a monetary investment and we want to get the most out of them. Spending a little more cash to make sure it fits properly is a wise move.

With that in mind, I went to 2 locations not too far from my place to get suits. As I was there, I also inquired whether they make alterations. Both places said they do not.

What. The. FUCK?!?

How do you not make alterations? You sell suits, for fuck’s sake! No guy I know just wears them off the rack. It’s taboo among us to do that. Why would you not offer this basic service that will not only make your customers look good, but will also make you money and get you repeat business? Are you stupid or just blind? Or both?

I’m not going to buy a suit from you if you don’t do alterations. I can wait for you to do them. Whether it’s a day or a week, I’m fine with that. I can roll out of bed and be at your store, so that’s not an issue. But you lose business if you don’t do them, and I won’t spend my money at your store. I can go elsewhere, buy the suit and have them do the alterations.

I urge all men’s clothing stores, especially the ones that sell suits, to have a tailor on the payroll. Well-dressed customers become repeat customers. Don’t screw yourself out of money because you’re too cheap to have a tailor on-site.